This last week and a bit has been sort of hellish for me. I have been trying really hard to be positive because I don’t want to be the whinging pregnant lady. I am so grateful to be pregnant, I know how lucky I am that this baby is free from Spinal Muscular Atrophy so I have really be trying to be upbeat and happy but this past week has been tough.
I think this is largely because I got it in my head that the baby was going to come early so once 37 weeks came I have been mentally ready to have the baby but as yet, no baby. I know that it is stupid to think things like this as it leads to disappointment but it was a feeling that I had and I can’t explain why I had this feeling. Maybe it is because my midwife is leaving on 14th and I am so desperate to have her as my midwife. I don’t know but anyway, my big tip is ignore thoughts like this because they are not helpful.
I have been in such a bad mood for the past week and a bit, really grumpy and with a super short fuse. My poor boys have been stuck living with an absolute arsehole of a wife and mother. I feel like I am always ready to cry, but haven’t actually cried yet!
Every time I go for a walk recently I have been in pain. The baby seems to drop lower and lower, causing lots of pressure and then I get a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. It is so uncomfortable. It is especially annoying because I walk everywhere. Me and my husband share a car, he takes it to work with him every day and I walk everywhere. This has never been an issue before, I really like walking! But at the moment, it is painful and really really getting me down.
The other on going issue that I am having is that I am not sleeping, again. I hate insomnia. It really is the worst thing. I struggle to fall asleep and then I always wake up at about 3am needing a wee and this usually wakes me up so much that I don’t go back to sleep. So all in all I am getting about 3hrs sleep a night. I do not function very well on that amount of sleep. A lot of the time during the week I do some excellent “bad parenting” of Dylan. He barrels into our room at about 6:30 (just as Joe is getting ready for work) and we have a little cuddle. At this point in the morning I am feeling like I could catch a few winks so I give Dylan the tablet computer (that is child-proofed to the hilt) and off he goes to watch Fireman Sam or Chitty Bang Bang for a bit. I grab an hour or 2 of sleep and then feel awful for being such a shitty Mummy for the rest of the day. Not good. I have tried to nap but there really isn’t much time in the day to get one in and napping on our sofa so I can “watch” Dylan as he empties all his toys all over the living room isn’t conducive with sleep.
Since about 34 weeks pregnant or maybe earlier whenever I do wake in the night to go for a wee my brain says “oooh your waters are going to break this time”, obviously so far they haven’t. I think because this is what happened when I went into labour with Dylan I presume it’ll happen with baby 3. It’s a really irritating ear worm to have every night and because it’s when I’m really half asleep it’s difficult not to think it. I’ve got to the stage now where I’ve convinced myself that all these “early signs of labour” that I’m having are in my head and that the baby will end up being induced because I’ve gone 2 weeks over my (arbitrary) due date. See, I’m such a whingebag!!
And while I am having a whinge and a moan, my midwife has got me on iron tablets which are making me feel utterly shitty. I am supposed to take 2 a day but I have dropped that down to 1 and a sachet of Spatone as they were making me have all these horrible symptoms! Grr.
I have pretty much sorted the entire house out now. All the jobs that I wanted to get done are done. I have never nested like this before and it totally goes against my nature. I have actually enjoyed doing most of it too, which is really shocking! My next job is to tackle the garden which I think I am going to do tomorrow while Dylan is with my parents. Nothing strenuous, it is mainly just picking up toys that have been left to fade in the various places around the garden. But once it is done I will feel better.
I am going to end this on a positive though. Today, was a better day. Loads better. Last night I slept quite well. It took me a while to nod off but I managed to go back to sleep quickly after my 3am pee. I woke at 6:30am, messed about on my phone for a few hours and talked to Joe and then drifted back off to sleep at about 9am until 11am. Honestly, I felt like a new person. I set myself a few jobs to do throughout the day. I wanted to have a walk to TK Maxx to look for a picture frame to match one I had bought there a while a go and I wanted to go to Boots to get myself a little pampering kit. After failing at the picture frame and succeeding at the self-gifting, I went to Costa for a coffee and a rather lovely slice of carrot cake (on my own, like a boss) and then I head to Tesco for a few bits and then home. At home, I did some prenatal yoga and OH MY GOD, it felt sooooo good! Why have I not tried that before. I felt like a new woman afterwards. I then painted my finger and toe nails and put some hair dye on and had a looooooooooong soak in the tub with some essential oils on the go. It was lush. Busy day but oh my goodness, I feel better.
Hopefully, I have pulled myself out of the this rut of feeling ridiculously grumpy and sorry for myself. The baby will come when he is ready. I need to chill and relax and just enjoy this time with my lovely husband and Dylan. The link to the awesome yoga is here and here is a link to an amazing article that my midwife sent me this morning after I sent her a cry for help message. I found this article too which us exactly me this week too. I think the bottom line is I’m impatient and I really just want this baby in my arms. I’m nervous about how I’m going to cope with all the emotions of having a baby after losing a baby and I just want him here. I need to chill out and just take each day as it comes.
Thanks for reading