Written on Wednesday…
Today I am 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant. This pregnancy has been split into 3 clear-cut chunks. The first 11 weeks were so difficult. Filled with anxiety, no sleep and worry. I was a mess. Being in total limbo was so hard. I didn’t know what was going to happen with the pregnancy. We had to potentially make decision that would have been so hard and would have left both me and my husband distraught for a long time. Having no sleep exasperated the situation and made everything 100% worse. From 11 weeks until about 34 weeks it was plain sailing, I was super happy and everything went pretty much hitch free. I was still very tired but mainly I was sleeping well. The last 4 weeks have been tricky.
The last few weeks have been filled with braxton hicks, round ligament pain, cramps, iron supplements abusing my digestive system, bad indigestion and the occasional dizzy spell. Really not very enjoyable. As I have said before, I didn’t have anything like this with Dylan or Eilys so these symptoms are freaking me out. My midwife keeps telling me that it is all normal but it is hard to hear that when it wasn’t “normal” before.
Despite my best efforts, I have been a right moaning whingebag for a few weeks now. I have really tried to be happy and upbeat but it has been getting quite tricky to stay happy. Especially as the sleepless nights have reared their ugly head again. I am waking at 3 or 4am most nights and just cannot get back to sleep again. I find myself googling “is this a symptom of early labour” which is stupid and I know that. I really do try to keep myself away from googling medical things, I have had issues with being a hypochondriac in the past but this horrible aspect of my personality took a back seat after having Dylan. But yeah, I try to keep myself from doing it, just in case.
Since Friday, to add to the not sleeping, I now wake at 3am every night and then I have bad period pain like cramping until about 7 or 8am. To start with I just figured that this was normal, just my body preparing for labour but I have been getting increasingly worried. I had a midwife appointment on Monday and my normally ridiculously low blood pressure has gone up, which could be a sign of labour being imminent but could be a sign of something more serious. I have been a bit worried about that but I am on the look out for other symptoms and so far none have appeared. Yesterday, I got up in the morning and then had to go straight back to bed after breakfast as I was so unbelievably knackered and I spent the whole day in bed.
So today, I called my midwife (it is her last day today, boo hoo) for an appointment. I just need my mind putting at rest. I have been getting increasing worried about this cramping in the morning and after googling it I had a bit of freak out. It said on a few sites that cramping in the lower abdomen could be to do with placental abruption or that it could be to do with Pre-eclampsia (obviously coupled with my rise in BP I worried more). I looked up the signs of pre-eclampsia and most of the websites I looked at said that one of the worrying things about it was that in some cases it was either symptom free or showed very few symptoms. As you can see, I am driving myself utterly insane. I know that I am probably being my own worst enemy with this but pregnancy is an anxious time and for the most part I have managed to keep quite cool and calm about things…. I had the full once over, ECG for the baby for 20mins, blood pressure check (it’s gone back down) and everything is fine! Whoop.
Written today (Saturday)…
That was Wednesday. I have given myself a good talking to since Wednesday and I can honestly say I have had a complete turn around. I think a lot of the stress I was putting on myself was that I wanted to have my midwife at the birth and therefore I wanted the baby to come before she left and that was stressing me out. Well, she has gone now. I am really glad that I got to see her again and I also got to see my new midwife as well and I really like her too. Yeah, I don’t have the relationship built up with her but she is really lovely and very knowledgeable and very likable.
Since Wednesday, and I have said this before, I feel a lot better and a lot more upbeat. But this time I really do feel a lot like a weight has lifted. I have chilled out a bit. I am not at my due date yet, there is no point rushing things, the baby will come when he is ready. All that matters is that the baby is healthy. I might as well put my feet up and chill until all the contracting, transitioning and pushing occurs. I have given myself some jobs to do and I have got a few mini projects to get on with and I have made a few plans for next week to keep me busy. I am trying to keep myself chilled though, if I need a day in bed then that is what I am going to do, Dylan has been such a good boy and is so caring towards me.
The only thing that is left on my mind is the labour itself. I am quite nervous. I am really hoping that I get to have the homebirth in a birthing pool that I want but I am only too aware that plans change. I am fully aware that all the things that I want for labour are really just a wish list and I am fine with that. I most worried about the transition phase of labour. When I was in labour with Eilys, this was the point that I got really weepy and really upset about not seeing Dylan and I got really distraught about it. I just have this feeling that this time I will totally lose it about Eilys. I am so nervous that the sadness with engulf me and that it’ll be hard to pull myself out of it. Hopefully, the fact that I am aware of this will help me cope with it and I have spoken to Joe about it too.
Anyway, I need to just keep chilled and calm and hopefully the rest will take care of itself. I am going with the flow and keeping a smile on my face.
Thanks for reading