Why isn’t Norman Price in prison? and other musings

Happy New Year! I am so looking forward to 2018. My plans this year are to keep on blogging, to take life by the horns and strive to improve myself in all sorts of ways. First off, I am sorry that I haven’t blogged for ages. December was crazy busy and full of ups and downs and I just didn’t ever find the time.

Anyway, today I fancied blogging about kid’s TV. Dylan has been off school for nearly 2 weeks now and as a result we have watched a lot of children’s television (not intentionally but for the first few days of him being off everyone was ill so the TV was very much required).  When I was pregnant I, like most people I think, thought that there was no way that my kid would watch loads of TV but that went out the window along with the “no sugary snacks” and “I won’t shout at my child”.  I find kid’s TV amazing and wonderful and so fricking irritating in equal measure. Often the programs I love (Something Special, I can cook and Rastamouse) are things that Dylan won’t watch and yet he loves things I loathe (Bing, Fireman Sam and Postman Pat). Luckily for me Dylan does share my hatred for Grandpa in my Pocket and Teacup Adventures (seriously, who watches that?!) but he has been known to request Ballamory (ugh, stupid program). Our current favourite programs to watch together are Floogals and Digby Dragon.

First off, I’d like to discuss Fireman Sam. I really don’t get how this has been going so long! The old, lets say classic Fireman Sam was pretty awesome. Those puppetty things were really cute and the storylines were ok (ish). Aside from the definitely dodgy Bella Lasagne (come on, surely someone could have thought of a slightly less stereotypical character name) it was a good program. So why did they mess with it?! The new Sam is a bit scary. He has a huge chin and he’s such a poser. My main issues with Fireman Sam are Elvis and Norman Price. Elvis is an absolute moron. How the heck did he manage to finish school, let alone drag himself through Firefighter training!? Pontypandy would be a much safer place without him hindering their fire service. He must cost the tax payer loads of money in office clean ups, kitchen fires and law suits. I think his skill set would be more suited to helping Dilys out in the shop although he would need to be very heavily supervised and never left alone. And that brings us to Norman Price. Clearly the kid has issues. His poor Mother clearly can’t cope with him and the picturesque community of Pontypandy is being terrorised by this little twit. He is forever setting things on fire, breaking things, acting up and generally running amok, often coercing other local children to join in with his delinquent behaviour. Surely if one of the residents of Pontypandy called the Police once in  a while rather than calling the Fire Service then Norman Price might get put into some sort of youth correctional facility where he clearly belongs.

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Leaving Pontypandy, my next program to discuss is Postman Pat. Again original Postman Pat is bearable. It’s set in a lovely place called Greendale and is fairly harmless. The new ones aren’t even that terrible, the makers have managed to keep it quite close to the original (although that might be due to the newer ones being older than the newer Fireman Sam). My issue with Postman Pat is Pat. How the chuffing hell has he still got a job? Most days Pat only has about 3 letters and a parcel to deliver and every single day he fucks it up. He is so terrible at delivering the post that I sort of think that maybe it is just a game that Mrs Goggins and the rest of the village play with him. No wonder the Royal Mail costs so much to run if they keep folk like Pat employed for 30+ years. But in more recently years Pat seems to have been given a promotion to the “special delivery service” where he has access not only to his little post van but a fleet of other vehicles like a helicopter, a 4×4 thingy and a motorbike. For starters, Pat is so incompetent at delivering mail I am surprised that he even makes his commute to Pencaster in order to fulfil his new role but when on earth did he pass his helicopter pilots licence? The folk of Greendale really need to stop pretending that it is ok that their postman is utterly useless, they need to email the Royal Mail with complaints that he sometimes opens their post and uses their items to get him out of a sticky spot (no point writing, it’d never get there) and keep complaining until he is sacked.

Bing and co

After Greendale lets travel around the corner, not far away where Bing and his friends are. Bing confuses me. Why are toddler rabbits, pandas and elephants the same size? And they are cared for by weird knitted rabbit things that are smaller than them. The caregivers, Flop, Paget and Amma, can’t even see over Charlie’s pushchair. The houses and the nursery (?) they all go to seemed to be made for much larger bipedal creatures as Flop needs to use a box in order to reach anything in his own kitchen. What kind of a world are these things living in!? In this crazy world of huge toddler animals and knitted carers they also keep cats and dogs as pet, both of which I am sure would love nothing more than a little munch on a tasty rabbit. And then there is Pando, wandering round everywhere in a tshirt and pants. I don’t know what is weirder, the fact that all the toddlers are clothed or that Pando only wears a tee and pants. Plus, all the caregivers are nude. Very weird.

Other things that get on my tits about children’s TV programs… Why is the Mayor Goodway in Paw Patrol and President Wensleydale from Rastamouse so utterly inempt? They call on kids to do their policing for the most minor of problems! How were these people ever elected to office? I presume that there must have been some sort of election rigging going on.

I know that I am looking into this way too much and that kids TV is aimed at Kids and not me but ugh, so annoying!! When I was pregnant with Dylan I bought a load of DVDs of Children’s TV from my childhood, Children’s TV that I deemed appropriate and watchable, things like Button Moon, Family Ness and Trapdoor. Dylan loves Buttonmoon but flipping heck that program is trippy. I can’t remember it being that weird when I was little so I presume that kids don’t notice! Here’s hoping that’s the same for the trippy stuff that is on TV today!

Thanks for reading.

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