In my last blog post I wrote about how I was struggling a bit with anxiety and lack of sleep at the moment and I wanted to give a little update on how I am feeling.
First of all, getting my ass to the gym felt so flipping good and the endorphins set me weekend off to great start. We managed to have a little lie in on Friday which again was good. We spent a lot of Saturday tidying the house and doing little jobs around the house that needed doing. I really hate tidying and cleaning, I find it so tedious but sometimes I really enjoy it and Saturday was one of those times. Then my Mum and Joe’s parents came over We had a lovely meal all together (indian fakeaway… so lush).
That night me and Joe went to Manchester to see Bill Bailey. I love going to comedy gigs and Bill Bailey, in my opinion, is one of the best. We had a great evening, I laughed so much and it was lovely to spend time alone with Joe (and a theater full of people).
Sunday we milled about, did some jobs and relaxed. We spent the evening introducing Dylan to Mr Bean at the swimming pool and then we all watched Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra together. I tell you, watching you child laugh out loud and roll around laughing at something give you all the feels, it was magical! Dylan completely lost himself in the comedy of Mr Bean and then he was totally enthralled by Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra
Monday was good. I dropped Dylan off at school and went into town. I had a coffee and a pastry and shared my pain aux raisin with Evan (which was a first and he loved it). I went to baby group. Chatted to some lovely people. Talked about Evan and got some advice about his feeding (recently, he is refusing to breastfeed which is really upsetting me as I am not ready to stop yet). It was nice to be out and about. We then made our way home and then it dawned on me that I’d left my keys at home. FUCK. Ugh. And I only had 5% battery on my mobile (no idea how)… I called Joe. No answer. I called again. No answer. Bugger. He eventually called me back (4% battery) and said he’d be home by the time I picked Dylan up. It was 12pm ish… Back to the coffee shop I went. Me and Evan walked around town for a bit and then sat and had a coffee until it was time to get Dylan from school. I felt like a right wally.
I had a lot of lovely comments and messages following my previous blog post so I am feeling very loved and looked after at the moment. A few of my close friends have said that they are going through similar things. This is why talking about mental health is so important. I honestly felt like I was alone feeling like this. Rationally I knew that I wasn’t but it is easy to think that no one else is struggling. By opening up and talking about my issues I know that I am NOT alone and that I have a great support network.
Today I went to Doctor’s. I managed to get an appointment with Eilys’ Doctor so I didn’t have to explain all the backstory etc. It felt so good to offload and discuss how I have been feeling. She listened and she was so positive. She gave me information for the self referral wellbeing hub. It sounded really good. They give you a telephone assessment and then offer you different support options (counselling, CBT, group therapy etc). She was pleased that I had already taken some positive steps and she suggested trying to get more alone time, more time with just Joe and to set aside time to spend with just Dylan. She prescribed me some anti-anxiety medication as it helped me out last time. All very positive. And she referred me to have an XRay on my foot… it has been hurting for a while and another Doctor said to put insoles in my shoes to support my foot arch but that just made all my shoes too small (haha) and my foot still hurt. I am getting it X-rayed tomorrow so we’ll see what is going on.
All in all I am feeling a lot better. I am still struggling with my whirring brain and I am still not sleeping overly well but I am feeling a lot more positive. I am glad that I reached out. I am glad that I have people in my corner. I am very grateful that I have a good support network. I just need to remember this when I am feeling shitting in the middle of the night and my brain won’t shhhh for a minute. I have something lovely planned each day this week which helps. And this weekend I WILL go to see The Greatest Showman!! I am also in the process of sorting out Evan’s room so that he can move out of our room and be in his own room. To be totally honest, I am not ready for him to be in his own room but I think it is time. He is so loud when he is rampaging around his cot in the night, he is a very noisy sleeper as well and when I am feeding him in the night I am always so conscious that I will wake Joe up (not that he minds really). I will be sad to have Evan in his room but I think it will be good too and it has to happen at some point.
Thanks for reading and if you need any support please drop me a message or call a friend or contact a Doctor.