And just when you think you’ve cracked it… you haven’t!

My breastfeeding journey has been a troublesome one. Having Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT) makes it impossible for me to exclusively breastfeed. I have tried most things to increase my supply to no avail. Having 3 babies with various degrees of tongue and lip ties hasn’t helped kick breastfeeding off to a very good start either. But I have persevered because I have really wanted to breastfeed.

Trying to breastfeed Dylan left me very sad. It hadn’t worked out and I had no idea why. There was some support but mostly judgement and I was left feeling that I hadn’t tried hard enough and that I had failed. I stopped breastfeeding him at about 9 months. Eilys stopped breastfeeding at about 3 months, she started to refuse to feed. With hindsight, I presume this was more to do with the SMA than anything else. When I chose to stop I felt a little sad but I was ok as she had stopped herself so I didn’t really feel guilty. Plus, I had been diagnosed with IGT so I didn’t feel like it was my fault that my boobs didn’t work.

I was hoping and had planned to feed Evan until he was a year old. I really really wanted to get to that milestone. But it seems he has other ideas. For a few weeks now he has been a bit of a grump when breastfeeding. That’s ok. I can handle that. He was still have really good, settled feeds first thing in the morning, before bed and in the night. Feeding Evan is lovely. He is such a snuggly baby and when he is breastfeeding he is so alert, he just gazes at me and gently squeezes my neck, finger or boob which sounds weird but it is actually lovely. To be honest I have been a bit shitty with feeding in the daytime. If we are at home, it’s no worry I just wap a nip out and give him a feed but when I am out and about a get a bit nervy about being questioned about combo feeding (it has happened a few times and it is totally my hang up). I tend just to bottlefeed when I am out and about now, for ease. The other problem is that he is getting increasingly grumpy when I tried to boob him, he squabbles about and then screams… not exactly what you want when you are trying to discreetly breastfeed.

So here we are… I am desperate to continue breastfeeding and I really want to keep going until he is a year old. Evan is taking to solids like a champ and he has dropped his milk feeds from 6 to 4 or 5 a day. But he is refusing to breastfeed except for a few feeds a day I am pumping every night and a few times in the day to keep up the supply in the hope that it is just a phase. I am not ready to stop feeding yet, I really want to keep going!! Any tips would be greatly received. Ugh. Babies are bloody hard work!! If you want me , I’ll just be over here being milked by a machine like a cow. Happy Friday folks!

Thanks for reading



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