Toothpaste: Our battles with a Quintager

“Mummy I don’t like this toothpaste”

“Why not?”

“It is too minty. I am not using it. Can I use your toothpaste?”

“My toothpaste will be more minty”

“More minty but less minty. I like your toothpastes mintiness”

“Right. Ok, just today”


“Daddy bought you some Paw Patrol toothpaste”


“I am glad you like it”

“Oh this one is minty and like berries. I love it”


“I don’t like this toothpaste. It is weird. And Purple isn’t my favourite colour. I only have orange, yellow and red favourite colours and I only like minty toothpaste not weird berry purple toothpaste”


“I am going to use Evan’s toothpaste”

“No. Use your other toothpaste. The minty one”

“No that one is too minty. This one is too berry-y and that one is too minty. Evan’s one is nice”

“You’re not toothylocks Dylan. Just use your toothpaste”

“What? Who’s Toothy-what? I am using your toothpaste”


“Mummy where has my minty toothpaste gone?”

“The one that was too minty”

“Yes. I love that one”

“Are you kidding me?”


“I chucked it away because you said you hated it because it was too minty”

“Nooooo. Mummy, why?”


“I love things that are too minty now Mummy”

“Sometimes dude, you drive me nuts”

“Can I use Evan’s minty toothpaste?”

“Grrr no. Use the Paw Patrol one”

“That one is too purple”

“Just pretend it is red”

“Ok Mummy, just this once and tomorrow can you buy me some new really minty toothpaste”


“Dyl I bought you some new toothpaste”

[starts brushing his teeth and then pulls a face and then starts scraping his tongue and spitting lots]

“What’s wrong?!”

“It’s minty”

“You asked for minty”

“This one is too minty”

“It is the same one you requested the other day”

“Is it?”

“Yes and you ate a load of extra strong mints today”

“They aren’t that minty”

“They are called EXTRA strong mints and this toothpaste is called MILD mint”

“I like minty minty. Can I use your toothpaste?”

“Oh. Fine”

… In short, 5 year olds are a pain in the arse and so ridiculously contrary that it is just easier to buy all the toothpaste and just let them pick a different one each day!

Thanks for reading


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