Dear Eilys

Dear Eilys

Today should be your 3rd birthday. From your diagnosis we knew that you wouldn’t be here for this day but that doesn’t take away any of the sadness that you aren’t here. Happy Birthday beautiful girl.

The last year has been so full of changes and we have tried to keep you with us every step of the way. Dylan has started school. He struggled at first, he really hated leaving me but since the Christmas holidays he started to settle. He is so bright and loves learning. He often draws you pictures. He told his whole class about you. He is such a proud big brother and loves talking about you and sharing you with the world. He talks about you every single day Eilys, and he misses you so much. Dylan goes to school with Blake which is great because they are such great friends! Blake talks about you lots too. He is growing some sunflowers for you at the moment, how lovely is that?

Your little brother Evan was born in August last year and he is so like you. He is a lot like Dylan too. Evan has very similar colouring to you and his hair is nearly the same colour as yours.I often wonder if your hair would have been curly like Dylan’s… maybe Evan’s will be strawberry blond and curly, the best of both! He is so lovely. I think you would be besotted with you and I know he would love you so much too except he wouldn’t be any where near as gentle with you as Dylan was. Having a new baby has been so hard in a lot of ways but it has also really helped Dylan, Daddy and I to heal after losing you.

Daddy and I talk about you every single day and we miss you so much. We are both doing ok though, we get sad and down but we are always there for each other just like we were when you were here. Daddy has done amazing things around the house and the dining room looks amazing. He has started running every Saturday at park run and did his first 10K a few weeks ago, you’d be so proud of him. And me, well darling, I try to keep myself busy as much as possible. I am doing a counselling and hypnotherapy course at the moment, and a course to be a mother support worker for breastfeeding. I have thrown myself into a Ambassador role with a charity called Our Missing Peace who are a sign posting service for people who have loss a child. I try to keep you in everything I do, I want to tell everyone I meet about you and how amazing you are and I want you to be remembered by as many people as possible.

As you know, we have an amazing group of family and friends and they look after us really well. They have been checking that we are ok all day and we have been sent loads of wonderful caring messages of love and support. We are so lucky to be surrounded by so much love. You really did bring out the best in people. Today people up and down the country, and all over the world have been wearing purple in your honour. The photographs have been popping up on social media all day and each one has made me smile lots. We asked people to donate £1 in your name to ACT for SMA and it has raised a crazy amount. It makes me so happy that you still make such a difference in peoples lives.

I have been thinking a lot today about the day you were born. We were so happy and content when you were born. I remember that I just wanted to get you home and out of the hospital as soon as possible. When we finally left the hospital at 1am it was chucking it down with rain and we had run across the car park with teeny weeny you all wrapped up in your car seat. We got home and had a cup of tea with Mmmom and Grandad and they both had cuddles. I was thinking about how overwhelmed with pride Dylan was when he first met you and how gentle he always was with you, the perfect doting big brother. Then looking back to your first birthday party. A day we hadn’t dare to dream that we’d get. It was a lovely day and we have lots of happy memories but looking back with the sharp focus that hindsight can bring I see that you weren’t happy, you were struggling. I have been remembering all your balloons and how the Chewbacca balloon had to be rescued from the ceiling. It made us so happy that we were able to give you such a beautiful birthday party and we were lucky to have been able to sing Happy Birthday to you. You looked so so beautiful that day in your tutu and gorgeous silver booties, a gift from Auntie Kat. What a wonderful day, filled with love and happiness.

Eilys, you are so loved and missed by all of us. You are still such a huge part of our lives and we love you to the moon and back (as Dylan would say). Happy Birthday Eilys.

All our love

Always

Mummy, Daddy, Dylan and Evan

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