Writing Through Loss – Week 4

Hello! I hope you are all doing ok, sending you all a hug. Right, time for task 4…

This week is like you to write a letter. This could be a letter to your missed loved one, you in the past or you in the future… Or anyone really. There might be things you wanted to say or things that you want to make sure they know. I realise this one is quite sensitive so you can send it to me to post if you prefer or not post it at all. Your letters can be long or short, handwritten or typed, whatever you want.

Good luck! Thanks for joining in ❤️Be as open as you feel comfortable with. If you would prefer to just email your writing to me then the email is writingthroughloss@gmail.com but please state if I can share or not.
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I don’t think I’ll manage a midweek one this week (half term) but I might…

My Task 4…

Dear Joe

I know I don’t write you letters but I wanted to write this letter to you.  What a whirlwind our lives have become. 14 years together through so many ups and a fair few downs we have built a life together. A life that I am so grateful for, it is the life that I always wanted despite not really ever knowing what I really want.

I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for everything. I think people (including you) think that I am the glue of this family but I’m not. You are. You hold us all together. You keep up sane and smiling. You work so hard for us.

You know how to call me on my bullshit and you help me when I am feeling so low. When we had Dylan, you became this awesome Dad who was fun and silly and wonderful and you supported me throughout breastfeeding drama and finding my feet as a mother. You were incredible when Eilys came along, again knowing what to do when I haven’t got a clue.

When Eilys was diagnosed with SMA you were our rock, you held me and I held you and we held our children and we tried to muddle through it all. You became a top notch chest physio-doer, you learnt how to do suction, how to use the cough assist and all the other medical things that we had to do day-to-day. You were always so patient and were always so much better at it than I was. You made a lot of the things we had on her list a reality and we filled her life with amazing things. And at the end, you held our beautiful girl as she died peacefully that morning and I am sure she knew how very loved she was by us all.

You helped us all to rebuild our lives around our grief. As a new 3 person unit we held on to each other for support as we tried to find normal again. Thank you so much for keeping our conversations open and honest. When we found out that we were having Evan, you held my hand while I had the CVS procedure done despite you being squeamish. You helped me through an emotionally draining pregnancy, you supported my choices and decisions and you were amazing during Evan’s wonderful homebirth.

I really just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for sticking with me through everything, for loving my good and my bad. Thank you for loving me and for loving the life and family that we have created together. You are my best friend and my everything Joe and I love you more than I know how to articulate!

All my love, always

Emma

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